Suck (2009)

suck A rock and roll vampire comedy full of biting one liners, comedy killings and celebrity cameos with more gore and guffaws than most spoofs – Suck shows that horror comedy can work well when the script is solid and the ideas are original.

Multi-talented writer and director Rob Stefaniuk plays Joey the lead singer of The Winners, a band whose name is the antithesis of their career. With no fans, a useless manager and their dreams of stardom slipping away the end is seemingly nigh.

However the band is about to receive a radical make-over as bass player Jennifer (Jessica Paré) spends the night with a stylish blood sucker and returns transformed. Her new found vampish sexual charisma captures the audience’s attention and catapults the group into the limelight.

Their road trip tour continues and their popularity rises as the rest of the band member’s succumb to the lure of the lady Nosferatu. With fame and fortune a bat’s fang away, the band are blissfully unaware that they are being tracked by fearsome vampire hunter Eddie Van Helsig (Malcolm McDowell).

Will Eddie drive a steak through their dreams? Or will the new and improved neck-biting four-piece prove that vampires really are the most rock ‘n’ roll undead man eating monsters around?

The quick-witted script merges music industry in-jokes with a vampire movie send-up, creating a great story with some truly original quirky characters; such as the French-Canadian roadie Hugo (Chris Ratz) who serves as a modern day Renfield, slavishly serving Jennifer with fresh kills from their petrol shop stops.

Filled with brilliant performances from the main cast, plus great guest appearances, it is a heavy metal who’s-who with Alice Cooper as an eerie bar tender, Henry Rollins as a ridiculous radio host and Iggy Pop as a prophetic music producer.

Best of all is pacifist vegan dance music producer Moby, who turns up playing totally against type as the sexist chauvinist meat obsessed lead singer of the hilariously named Secretaries of Steak.

Equally excellent are Kid’s in the Hall comedian Dave Foley as the band’s hapless manager and cult icon Malcolm McDowell camping it up for the camera throughout and obviously enjoying himself.

Stefaniuk works wonders behind the lens as well as in front of it, adding in music video moments and embracing the low budget feel of the film with gratuitous gore and some fun stop-frame animation sequences.

One ingenious filmic effect the film employs is in Van Helsig’s flashbacks where old footage of McDowell from 1973’s O Lucky Man! is spliced in to tell the story of his vampire hunting past.

Mixing music, laughs and horror is a tall order but Suck succeeds in delivering on all fronts producing an entertaining vampire comedy for rock fans and horror fans alike.

Suck definately doesn’t so make sure you see it.

Movie Rating: ★★★★☆ 

buy suck



Alex Humphrey

Alex studied film at the University of Kent and went on to work for Universal Pictures in their Post Room gaining an inside look at the movie industry from the very bottom. Constantly writing reviews in everything from local magazines to Hip Hop sites Alex honed his critical skills even spending a brief period as a restaurant critic. Read more

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