Horror Film Rule Book

the collector In celebration of the release of The Collector on DVD and BD on Monday 18th October the people promoting the movie have decided that it would be useful if we talk you though our version of the horror film rule book. It could save your life!

A few simple rules to follow when you find yourself stuck in a horror film:the collector

Rule 1: Don’t solve puzzles that have the high probability to open portals to Hell

Rule 2: If in battle with zombies, always sever their head or shoot them in the brain. If you they still want to eat you after
that, just surrender. There’s no hope for you anyway.

Rule 3: Never EVER play with any Ouija board that you find in the basement, especially if it’s in your newly bought, run-
down house.

Rule 4: If you are travelling with friends, do not pick up any hitch hikers. It’ll be the worst (if not the last) day of your life.

Rule 5: Always be nice to the shy, quiet, unpopular girl in school.

Rule 6: Never, under any circumstance, plan a camping trip that coincides with Friday the 13th. It’s almost as if you’re
asking for trouble!

Rule 7: Pigs’ blood is not now, nor has it ever, been funny.

Rule 8: Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.

Rule 9: If you are fleeing from a killer or supernatural being and you see a cop car, run right by it. There are three possible
ways that things will turn out if you try to get the cops attention and none are good:

1) The cop is already dead in some gruesome way that will cause you to scream and alert the killer/monster as to where
you are.
2) The cop will probably end up dead as he tries to help you, this will only distract the killer away from you for a few
seconds, but chances are you will end up getting killed anyway.
3) The supernatural being has somehow transformed in the cop temporarily and just when you think you are safe… they
will kill you.

Rule 10: Do not go in search for something in the basement, especially if the power has just gone out. In fact don’t explore
any rooms in the dark. You have light switches… use them!

Rule 11: Always check the backseat of your car before you get in.

Rule 12: If someone tells you not to do something (e.g. DON’T fall asleep, DON’T go out there, DON’T go looking for the
homicidal-chainsaw-wielding psychopath alone) by all means, LISTEN TO THEM!!

Rule 13: If you’re running away from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at least twice, more so if you are a female.
Also note that despite the fact that you are running and the monster is merely shambling along, it’s still moving fast enough
to catch up with you.

horror film rule book

Rule 14: SEX = DEATH

Rule 15: If you are a girl with long blonde hair, blue eyes and big boobs, well, you are pretty much screwed.

Rule 16: If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behaviour such as hissing, developing a fascination
with blood, glowing eyes, foaming at the mouth and increasing hairiness, get away from them as fast as possible.

Rule 17: Never say “I’ll be right back.” You won’t be back. End of story.

Rule 18: If you are running away from the killer/monster, don’t even try to start the car. It doesn’t matter if the car is brand
new, it will never start.

Rule 19: If you find a town which looks deserted, it’s probably for a good reason. Take the hint and stay away.

Rule 20: When it appears you have killed the monster, NEVER check to see if it’s really dead.

Out to buy on BD and DVD on Monday 18th October

buy the collector


Tom Atkinson

Tom is one of the editors at Love Horror. He has been watching horror for a worryingly long time, starting on the Universal Monsters and progressing through the Carpenter classics. He has a soft-spot for eighties horror.More

Related post

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.