Cold Storage (2025) Review

At the beginning of Cold Storage, there’s an ominous text warning about how the experiment space station Skylab crashed back to Earth in 1979 with a potentially lethal payload, followed by the slightly less formal message of “Pay attention, this s*** is real”. Those opening moments sum up Jonny Campbell’s movie perfectly. Any grim, terrifying possibilities are undercut constantly by a general air of daftness and slacker humour. Not that there’s anything wrong with pointing up the laughs, but does this approach ultimately work?

Post-Skylab crash, we’re whisked to the Australian outback for an “eighteen years ago” prologue in which Government operatives Robert Quinn (Liam Neeson) and Trini Romano (Lesley Manville) aid Doctor Hero Martins (Sosie Bacon), who has been drafted in to locate and assess the stability of a tank containing a fungus which is the contaminated result of a scientific experiment. Said fungus may happen to pose a threat to the entire planet if said tank is breached.

The application of some Antipodean ingenuity means that the tank and its apocalyptic content is the central exhibit of a makeshift museum where the admission is one Aussie dollar and the occupants of the tiny rural settlement appear to have disappeared. Things do not go particularly well but the area is ultimately made safe by blowing it off the face of the planet and the tank is transported to the United States, where it’s secured deep below the ground at a military facility somewhere in Kansas.

Fast forward to the present day. The military facility has long been closed and replaced by a self-storage facility, where Tea Cake (Joe Keery) holds down a not especially satisfying job and is attempting to avoid being dragged into the dodgy dealings of boss Griffin (Gavin Spokes) for reasons which will become apparent early on. Tea Cake is happy to read a book and keep his head down; two things he will find it impossible to do once newbie Naomi (Georgina Campbell) takes an interest in the muffled alarm noise they keep hearing.

Of course, the noise is behind a wall, which Tea Cake reluctantly aids in breaking through, and the area behind the wall conceals the ladder down to a secret underground level, about which the previous occupants can’t have been overly concerned. The alarm has been sounding due to a temperature change in a vault containing the Skylab fungus, which now has the means to spread. Meanwhile, Naomi’s awful ex Mike (Aaron Heffernan) is heading for the storage facility as he has a problem he must discuss with her and Griffin’s associates are also inbound, intent on pilfering a stash of televisions. Then there’s Quinn, who has been alerted of the situation and is back in action, ready to put a stop to the fungus once and for all.

With a number of folks for the fungus to target, anyone relishing the set up for a gory, Nightmare City-style infected vs forces actioner may feel a little deflated that Cold Storage opts for more contained, carefully rationed mayhem as the various plot strands gradually come together at a measured pace. That’s not to say there isn’t fun to be had, particularly in the case of Neeson, whose request for Government equipment falls on the deaf ears of Richard Brake’s officious Army bigwig Wesley Jerabek, leading him to enlist the covert skills of situation room operator Abigail (Ellora Torchia) and being joined in his senior service by the chain smoking but still unflappable Trini.

The cast in Jonny Campbell’s often goofy mix of sci-fi and sporadic splatter is stacked. Neeson and Manville are a delightful double act and their amusingly weary banter almost makes the viewer forget that the movie really should be getting down to business. Latter day horror fixture Brake is sadly wasted in a role that amounts to minor irritant rather than Big Bad, Sosie Bacon is given similar short shrift, hence there’s an air of frustration at watching such an array of talent being squandered on relatively inconsequential story fodder. Most surprising of all is Vanessa Redgrave, showing up as spiky local Mary Rooney, elevating her handful of scenes far above the film’s often flippant level and giving rise to the tale’s one true moment of darkness, which is then immediately swept out of the way for more silliness.

As the thrown together, central couple, Georgina Campbell and Joe Keery are more than agreeable enough, despite being handed cookie cutter characters of smart, single mum with potential and easily led motormouth respectively. At least they get some fun dialogue and, given the dreadfulness of many of the supporting characters, only the most churlish viewer will want Naomi and Tea Cake to die, even if you know that Tea Cake is going to have to explain his monicker at some point whether you want that or not.

With David Koepp supplying the screenplay based on his own novel, there’s a built-in understanding of genre mayhem and Jonny Campbell’s solid television background demonstrates a firm grasp of both chuckles and chills. There’s also a tenuous extraterrestrial link as he also helmed Ant and Dec cinema vehicle Alien Autopsy. Before you run screaming from this review, allow me to confirm that Cold Storage is so much better than Alien Autopsy. I know that’s a low bar to clear and that vomiting in your own mouth is arguably more fun than Alien Autopsy but there’s a fair amount to enjoy in this mix of skewed bio-terror parody and exploding folks.

In terms of the exploding folks, they’re kind of gross but not in a way that will upset most of the audience. The opening corpse effects are gnarly but once things move into the present day the visuals shift to vivid and exaggerated just enough to provoke eye rolls and the odd snigger rather than offence. Even someone like me, who would normally balk at the prospect of seeing a deceased cat on screen, wasn’t phased in the slightest as the infected feline here heads off on a brief and ridiculous rampage.

Any conceptual unpleasantness is smoothed away by means of a script which is overwhelmingly good natured and the regular, though obvious, jump scares are offset by the jokey tone. Gorehounds looking for something truly nasty will be frustrated at just how often this pulls back from the edge in its eagerness not to upset too many folks but, as a piece of popcorn entertainment, Cold Storage coasts along amiably thanks to its accomplished cast and sprinkling of sporadic zingers.

Movie Rating:

Cold Storage trailer