Celluloid Screams: Ten Magnificent Memories – Part Two

From its first weekend edition back in 2009, Celluloid Screams quickly developed into one of the standout horror film festivals in the UK – hell, let’s say one of the standout festivals in the entire World while I’m at it – and has constantly looked to reinvent itself every single year. I was born in South Yorkshire, I live close to Sheffield, and I worked in Sheffield for almost twenty years, so it’s my home festival and I’m fiercely protective of it. I will often abbreviate it to Cell in an irritatingly chummy way, so apologies in advance. Still, you’ll have read Part One, so this paragraph is kind of redundant. Hey ho.

I’ve already talked about five of my Celluloid Screams memories but there’s still five to go. How can there be five better memories that the ones I’ve already mentioned, you may ask? If there weren’t, this article would be incredibly short. Also, because I always end up rambling on beyond a subject’s natural end point, there’s a bonus memory at the end which falls outside of my Top Ten because it’s not strictly mine. I’ll explain later.

5: ASTRON-6

Over the duration of the festival, Celluloid Screams has had its fair share of returning guests. For instance, 2012 saw up and coming filmmakers Justin Benson and Aaron Moorhead were in attendance for Resolution – a movie which had everyone talking – and were back in Sheffield five years later for The Endless. This year sees The Adams Family make it two consecutive appearances in a row, following up 2025’s Mother Of Flies showing/Q&A with the same combo for the singular take on the Rapture that is The Glorious Dead.

There is, however, one collective which has become woven into the DNA of Celluloid Screams above any other, in my humble opinion of course, and that is the Canadian quintet of Astron-6. While Benson and Moorhead where blowing people away with their debut, the same year of Cell saw the programming of Manborg in its line-up. All I knew about it before going in was a) it was short and b) it had a super low budget, both of which appealed to me no end. It was more hilarious, imaginative and charming and Astron-6 instantly picked up a number of fans in Sheffield, everyone wanting to know if anything was coming next and if we could get these guys across to the UK.

The answer to both of those was yes and in 2014 their absolutely bonkers giallo The Editor opened the festival, with Adam Brooks, Matthew Kennedy and Conor Sweeney in attendance not only to talk about that movie but to also host a retrospective of their short films. This included the brilliant Cool Guys, which demonstrates Astron-6’s good natured but also warped sense of humour through and through. MURRY! If you know, you know, and if you don’t, you need to check out Cool Guys.

In the intervening years, Astron-6 and Astron-6 adjacent such as The Void, Psycho Goreman and the Deathstalker remake have all played Cell, feeding what Festival Director Rob Nevitt once described as an “ongoing obsession”. When Frankie Freako screened, Frankie Freako himself came along too (of course I have a photo of this) and when I talked to director Steven Kostanski about how my signed poster of The Editor didn’t have his signature on, he suggested I might want to pop home, unseal it from its quite pricey, professionally constructed frame and bring it in so he could add his name. I can’t say I wasn’t tempted but he did sign the DVD so ultimately I didn’t have to break anything.

Over the years, finding out that Astron-6 had something programmed into the line-up has always been a delight. I remember almost doing myself an injury from laughing at an episode of their tragically comic web series Divorced Dad and their chaotic live commentary on Ghoulies Go To College – in which they suggested that it was possible they may not have seen all of the movie – was a highlight. It was way better than the movie, put it that way. It’s a pleasure to see them in person, goofing around and being so approachable as they’re such, er, cool guys. Sorry about that.

4: “I HAD SOMETHING IN MY EYE”

Anyone who knows me from festivals will appreciate that I get involved in movies and I’m often a little emotional but this wasn’t always the case and I’m blaming Celluloid Screams for putting me in touch with my feelings way too much. In 2015, the festival screened Zak Hilditch’s devastating These Final Hours and, towards the end, I was acutely aware of someone on the back row sobbing uncontrollably. That person was me.

As the credits rolled and I half-heartedly attempted to pretend that I had something in my eye, one of my back row buddies – and Celluloid Screams stalwart – Dr. Lauren McIntyre said something to the effect that she was wondering whether or not to burst into tears or hold it in when she heard me ugly crying over the film’s audio. That movie and that moment somehow flipped a switch and from then on my blubbing in horror film festivals has become something of a running joke.

The zenith of this (so far) was reached in 2021, during and after the screening of Gonzalo Calzada’s Nocturna – Side A: The Great Old Man’s Night which triggered much wailing from all areas of the auditorium throughout the film and beyond, with an impromptu support group being set up in the Showroom bar’s female toilets. Of course, even in my emotionally wrecked state, I wasn’t going in there so I shut myself in a cubicle in the male side. Someone tapped on the door and asked me how long I was going to be, to which I tearily replied “I don’t know, I’m just having a cry.”

I’m not sure this is true but that year the programming team apparently looked at Nocturna and thought that would be the one to break me. Since then, the launch event has occasionally announced films which are tagged as the ones which could send me over the edge. I mean, come on folks, I’m a generally happy person. Is all of that inevitable bawling what I’m going to be known for? Well, yes, that’s probably true. As one of my friends and festival goers said to me a few years back “It’s not really a festival until you cry at something.” Get ready for the inevitable “allergy flare up” at some point during the 2026 edition.

3: CELLULOID SCREAMS KARAOKE PARTY

Anyone who knows me from festivals will appreciate that I enjoy murdering a song or two on karaoke but this wasn’t always the case and I’m blaming Celluloid Screams for transforming me from someone who would enjoy listening in the background to “oh, not this fucking guy again”. I think it was the safe, welcoming environment of Cell that was the enabler and, way back on that late Sunday night in 2017, I was suddenly struck by the thought that I could stand up in a packed bar and sing I Bet You Look Good On The Dancefloor.

To misquote The Smiths, October spawned a monster. The earth didn’t swallow me up. People didn’t throw bottles at me. I survived the song and I didn’t need to do it again. Except I did. I’d got the bug and I was even thinking of what to sing at the following year’s festival. I wasn’t going to do your standard karaoke fodder either – everyone sings Angels by Robbie Williams and, sorry, but it’s shite – so I casually asked around for a song that you didn’t hear sung a lot.

Someone suggested Nena’s 99 Red Balloons. Idiotically, I said, “What, the German version?” and the response of “Ooh, yes, hadn’t thought of that” made me think I’d set a task that was needlessly difficult. Still, I had learned a bit of German at school and I just about got away with Neunundneunzig Luftballons – and then hammered it to death as a returning party piece before accepting ever more stupid, often self-inflicted challenges to sing in Ukranian and Finnish, with Cha Cha Cha having its own backing chorus and dancers. I love how joyously ludicrous it’s all become.

2: PROFONDO ROSSO WITH LIVE SOUNDTRACK FROM GOBLIN

If you ever asked yourself the question “Is there enough room at the front of Showroom Screen 4 for a band to perform there?” that was answered in 2015 when the Closing Night Gala screened Dario Argento’s classic giallo Profondo Rosso, complete with a live score from Goblin. The opening titles gave us a taste of what was to come – amazing cinema accompanied by a wall of sound from one of the greatest bunch of musicians.

As if the live score wasn’t satisfying enough, the encore was a mini-gig which would have been a classic in any case but was elevated – for me, at least – still further by the opening title music from Demons being selected as one of the bonus tunes. I’ve attended movie screenings with live scores since then – if you can catch Fabio Frizzi’s band playing along to The Beyond, I’d highly recommend it – but you never forget your first experience of this type of thing and to have it all staged in Screen 4 left me thinking that I couldn’t quite believe it and yet here it was, happening right in front of me.

1: WELLINGTON PARANORMAL – SEASON ONE

Over the years, Celluloid Screams has flirted with television fare but in 2018 the festival went the whole hog and screened an entire series of a (what was then) a brand new, six part comedy horror show from New Zealand called Wellington Paranormal. For anyone who has no knowledge of Wellington Paranormal, firstly, you need to rectify that right now, and secondly, it’s a faux reality programme in which a film crew follows a group of police officers investigating cases with a side of the supernatural.

The main focus of the action is on two such cops – Officer O’Leary, played by Karen O’Leary, and Officer Minogue, played by Mike Minogue. O’Leary is a decent, no nonsense, problem solving type and Minogue, er, isn’t. In keeping with the festival’s roster of special guests, Karen and Mike were there for the weekend, mingling with the Screamers (yeah, I know, but attendees sounds a bit formal) and being thoroughly lovely people but when it came to the screening itself, they showed up in character, dishing out safety tips and law enforcement advice before the opening episode and providing some early doors commentary before allowing the audience to soak up the remainder of the season and then returning at the end for a Q&A.

I can say with absolutely no doubt that this is the most joyous time I have ever experienced in a cinema. Of course, hearing Catriona MacColl talking about working on Fulci movies was a delight (see the article that covers numbers 10 to 6) but that was me basking in the wondrous glow of one of my heroes and I wasn’t at all bothered as to what anyone else was getting out of it. Here, this was a packed auditorium laughing themselves silly for two and a half hours and no one wanting it to end. Someone I know who was sitting a couple of rows down heard me howling uncontrollably during the fifth episode – it’s the bit with the clowns and the car, if you’re wondering – and thought that I might need medical attention.

Yes, Celluloid Screams has programmed some horror that was shocking enough for battle hardened fans of the genre to walk out. Yes, there have been challenging choices which have caused us to think deeply about their content long after the closing titles had finished rolling. The fest knows all about balance and it’s run by folks who know the value of being able to take a break from the truly horrific and lean into the side of the genre that delivers its spookiness with a knowing wink and a ton of humour. I left the Wellington Paranormal event with a smile on my face and an ache in my sides. Better yet, Karen and Mike not only stayed for the closing karaoke, but their choice of song – Ghostbusters – was perfect.

Oh, and if you haven’t seen the show, I won’t reveal what Officer Minogue’s first name is.

BLU-RAY EXCLUSIVE EXTRA: PARANORMAL ACTIVITY AND THE BIRTH OF THE SECRET FILM

I’m including this one as an extra outside of my ten memories because the inception of the Celluloid Screams Secret Film took place at the very first weekend festival in 2009 and – whisper it – I wasn’t there. I found out about Cell a couple of weeks after it had taken place and made a note to catch the 2010 edition if one were to take place.

The Secret Film – or films, depending on how many mystery items are planned for each edition – was a happy accident, as the fledgling festival had managed to pull off something of a coup in bagging an advanced screening of Paranormal Activity which was so early it ended up being the unofficial UK premiere. The film itself had its own security detail who brought it into the building before the screening and whisked it away soon after the screening and the fact that all of this had to be kept secret spawned, you guessed it, the Secret Film.

There’s fun to be had trying to predict what the Secret Film will be each year and I can reveal that both my festival family and I have been utterly terrible with our guesses. I have managed to correct pick the Secret Film just once, which was in 2019 when Justin Benson and Aaron Moorhead’s Synchronic played. To be fair, Benson and Moorhead had been fixtures of Cell previously and at that point in time they were about to release a new movie of theirs, so it wasn’t exactly genius level deduction on my part.

In 2026, there will be not one, not two, but three – count ‘em! – Secret Films this year, two within the main body of the festival and one which is showing as the 35mm Midnight Mystery Screening, which previously featured Pieces and the head scratcher of an action “classic” which is Lady Terminator. What will be revealed this year? Whatever those titles are, I won’t guess any of them.