Razor’s Ring (2008)

Razor's Ring Amateurish acting, a schlocky story straight out of a bad TV series and some of the worst CGI ever to appear in a motion picture, this is Razors Ring and you have been warned.

Razors Ring has so many things wrong with it its had to know where to start, but I will give it a go. The first of its many flaws Razor's Ringto flash up in the film is the ridiculous plot line. Bearded businessman Scott (unknown Wayne Casey) is kidnapped by corrupt couple Julie and Razor (played by unknowns Lisa Wharton and Paul Schilens) seemingly for no reason other than the writer had no other idea how to start this film.

Nihilistic and on the run they entertain themselves by trying to hit things with their car and scoring points (like in Death Race 2000 which was made over 30 years ago, has David Carradine in it and is still a far superior film). Whilst trying to run down a small child they instead hit an old man. The family of the deceased octogenarian are obviously upset so they capture the trio, imprison and torture them. By the way, all this happens in the first 10 minutes or so.

Incarcerated in a shed the misfits are introduced to menacing matriarch, Red (AnnieScott Rogers from the unknown but brilliantly named Club Foot Queen, Pink Eye and Yard Sale) who seemingly has plans for them far more sinister than simple punishment. When Julie disappears it is up to Razor and Scott to make a plan to escape, before Red’s guests arrive and the disturbing and stunningly obvious fate that befell Julie is visited upon them.

The plot, which is more like a series of pointless coincidences rather than a story-line, fails to ender the viewer to the unlikable characters and creates annoyance almost immediately. Less like a movie and more like an over-long episode of The Twilight Zone, reshot by school kids, the story relies on its one big twist to keep you captivated. However anyone with half a brain cell will see what’s coming seventy miles off.

Razor's Ring Razors ring

Directed, produced and written by Morgan Hampton it is unsurprising to discover this is his first feature. The camera work is amateurish and stylistically it lacks any kind of substance. Trying to innovate, Hampton throws in several stupid dream sequences for Scott involving his girlfriend and a toilet paper mummy. But rather than creating a spooky surrealism or inspiring mysterious tension, they are just unintentionally funny.

The acting is bad and the bad actors make the most of the bad script, seemingly improvising several scenes perhaps due to a refusal to perform the actual lines. Sound also seems to be a big problem with levels not matching throughout many scenes. Add to this is a Casio keyboard score and some kung-fun fight effects, all of which somehow manage to devalue an already extremely cheap looking film.

Razor's Ring

It seems that the entire budget has gone on one reasonably good and gory special effect, which pops up as the final twist is eventually and unsurprisingly revealed. Sadly this is proceeded by two of the worst pieces of CGI ever to be seen. The effect which is used for both an explosion and someone being hit by a train (and looks like it was done on MS Paint) is so ridiculous and unconvincing it is hard to put into words. I would say that they ‘have to be seen to be believed’ however that would mean you would actually have to watch this terrible film.

All in all, simply put Razors Ring is rubbish. Badly made, badly acted and boring from simpering unscary start to flimsy flaccid finish. My advice to you is the same as my advice to Morgan Hampton and anyone else involved in this appallingly terrible waste of film; it’s best to pretend it doesn’t exist.

Movie Rating: ½☆☆☆☆ 

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