Right first things first, Landmine Goes Click was the biggest disappointment of the whole of FrightFest, a film with a field full of potential that decides to destroy all its good ideas after the first 20 minutes in a suicidal decision to appeal to the misogynistic witless idiots that lie below the lowest common denominator.
Secondly this review of Landmine Goes Click is going to talk a lot about the plot of the film because frankly I don’t care so if you for some unknown reason want to watch this pile of putrid crap without knowing what happens (and believe me it makes it a whole lot crapper) then you better stop reading now.
The ultimate tragedy is Landmine Goes Click starts so wonderfully promisingly not only with the brilliant title but moving through several twists and turns all in the opening act with the simplistic setup that sees three friends hiking in Georgia to celebrate the impending nuptials of two of their trio.
Walking in the picturesque and remote landscape Daniel (Dean Geyer) waxes lyrical about his bride to be Alicia (Resident Evil’s K-mart Spencer Locke) and his best friend and best man Chris (Sterling Knight) unaware that the pair have had a one night stand that Chris is desperate to reveal to his buddy and Alicia is even more desperate to hide.
When a local guide shows up the friends get him to take a picture and while posing suddenly a landmine goes click and Chris is frozen on top, unable to move for fear of the death trap detonating.
But that’s not all because rather than being a simple if unfortunate accident Daniel suddenly reveals that the whole thing is a set up and his revenge on his closet friends for betraying him.
Throwing a bunch of abuse at Alicia and a shovel to dig a pit for Chris to jump in and perhaps avoid having everything but his leg blown off the mastermind of this malicious revenge plot disappears leaving the duo with a devilish dilemma and the audience with a captivating setup as gripping and potentially explosive as the landmine itself.
The thing is Landmine Goes Click doesn’t carry on this great premise, no instead it decides to transform into a women hating torture porn featuring an extended and graphic rape scene and then a pointless and equally disgusting revenge movie where a teenage girl is humiliated and sexually abused in front of her family.
This depressing diversion away from the possibly hugely entertaining introduction of what could have been a tense and terrifying real time survival situation horror akin to ATM, Frozen, Buried or Open Water is an infuriating move on the part of director and co-writer Levan Bakhia made more troubling by what he decides to replace it with.
Daniel the arch villain and evil genius behind Landmine Goes Click disappears from the film entirely literally saying to another character he would rather drink beer and watch strippers than wait and see what happens to the central characters as if the film itself is telling the audience how bored it is by its own set up.
What follows is what Levan Bakhia believes the people really wants to see with the introduction of a psychopathic hunter who tricks Alicia by offering help in exchange for progressively more sick sexual games ultimately ending in him brutally raping her while Chris watches unable to move.
Increasingly more and more uncomfortable to witness this unexpected and purposeless jump into what seems to be a slut shaming torture porn movie makes almost no sense except that either Bakhia and the two other people it took to write this piece of shit story simply couldn’t develop the original idea any further than what they had. That or they really, really like watching women being sexually abused for fun.
Worse still unlike all other rape revenge films which balance their graphic opening with a righteous retribution for the female victim against the men responsible Alicia’s lame off scene death denies any dramatic arch or moral closure making her even less of a fully fleshed out character and simply a slab of flesh for the men to fight over.
This leaves Chris to right the wrongs done to Alicia and hunt down the hunter implying even further that women can’t do anything for themselves with a pathetic attempt to make a statement about the futility of revenge that is just an excuse for more female humiliation and carnal cruelty.
Landmine Goes Click gives torture porn and rape revenge horror movies a bad name because it is crassly gratuitous and in no way entertaining or engaging on any level. The extra insult to the fetid, rotting injury is that the creative and exciting opening is so pointlessly pissed away by everyone involved like last night’s pint of Stella in a kebab shop alley way.
Oh hold on Bakhia already made a single location survival movie called 247°F set in a sauna that I wrote “fails on every level” in my review, well that explains a lot about this stinking syphilis filled nut sack of a film.
Less fun than getting stuck on a landmine.
It gets 3.5 Stars for the first 20 minutes then losses 3.5 for the rest of the film!