Listed in Time Out’s 5 (terrifying) films to see at FrightFest 2018 A Bluebird in my Heart received a glowing write up so with high expectations I sat down and waited to be scared sensless by this sensational story.
Around 20 minutes in I was not only questioning the author of the pieces definition of the word terrifying but also their definition of horror and every other positive word they had used about the terrible trite waste of time I was watching.
As much a horror as My Little Pony: The Movie this boring cliché ridden violent drama revolves around an ex-con with a soft side who takes a young girl under his…you know what I am not even going to bother to tell you the plot because you would have seen it so many times before there is no point.
What sets A Bluebird in my Heart apart from any other bargain bin American action films starring someone from WCW or MMA written by a computer program that recycles old scripts everyone has seen and already hated is… well not much really.
Ultimately this is what makes this film so much worse as it’s a uninteresting story told in the same monotonous way offering up nothing new at all to anyone. A Bluebird in my Heart is a badly written violent supposedly redemptive action film with some rape and some gore you know the sort of thing you find in the a Pound shop staring a washed up old 80’s star and think “that’s way too much!”
Except here that same slice of movie manure is masquerading as something more. A Bluebird in my Heart so obviously thinks it’s intelligent, it thinks worthy, it thinks its engaging, dramatic, powerful and it thinks it has something to say and its wrong on all counts.
Do you like extremely slow moving character pieces with characters as two dimensional and badly crafted as a two year olds drawing of whatever movie Steven Segal just made? Are you a fan of films where every woman is weak and useless and needs to be saved from violent angry men by another more violent more angry man? Do you need to be told that ex-con’s are people too? Do you like long lingering scenes of dishwashing and room refurbishment? Nope neither do I but Jérémie Guez the director and scriptwriter of this dire drivel sure does. I mean literally there are scenes of paint drying and it was more tedious than watching paint drying.
If you can believe it this is actually based on a novel meaning instead of watching boring things happening at the speed of a snail stuck in sand and listening to lines that sound pretentious and hackneyed whether they are being said in French or English you can read these things instead, imagine that!
It is rare that I have cared so little for every character in a film before but somehow A Bluebird in my Heart managed to imbue complete apathy in me, in fact if that was the point of the film well done because it worked.
The acting is passable I suppose because everything else is so terrible it’s hard to really say but I felt slightly sorry for everyone involved as if like me they had been fooled into participating in this farcical and odious exercise so this film gets 1 star for that but it’s a pity star really so its meaningless.
Don’t let this movie or Time Out trick you like they did me. A Bluebird in my Heart is not terrifying, it’s not horror and it’s not worth anyone watching it at all.
I can’t find a trailer what a pity never mind!