Horror’s scariest girlfriends

The impending release of Homecoming (out this week) got the love horror team thinking.
In case you don’t know yet, Homecoming is all about a girl called Shelby (Mischa Barton) that just can’t let her ex boyfriend Mike go. When he starts dating someone else, Shelby starts to do some pretty crazy and violent things to win her ex lover back. What follows is a scary insight into the mind of an obsessed woman.
As we all know, this isn’t the first horror to feature such a character, so we decided to come up with our ‘top five scary girlfriends of horror’.

5. Annie Wilkes – Misery
Okay so strictly speaking, Annie isn’t the girlfriend of Paul Sheldon. They don’t have a relationship as such, she just idolises her favourite author. But don’t say that too loud when she’s around, as you’re liable to get your ‘ankles broke’.
There’s two things that Annie knows how to do, and they are nursing and being an obsessed psycho. And if the man in her life doesn’t do things just the way that she wants, she’s liable to fly off the handle and do some serious physical damage – only to later repair it, and more than likely, do it all over again a couple of days later.

No doubt she’s one woman not to get involved with. BUT to her defence, as long as you keep typing, you can actually keep her quite sweet. She’s not as lethal as she could be.

4. Carrie White – Carrie

This one is a bit tougher to read. If you met Carrie White in a park or something and didn’t know about her problems at school, she might seem like an innocent, unassuming, and somewhat withdrawn person. Nothing to start the alarm bells ringing initially, and definitely nice enough to take home to Mum.
However, when meeting aforementioned family member, it might be best to put away any valuable ornaments and perhaps use plastic crockery to avoid nasty splinters.
Also, do not spill anything red, like wine for instance, on her clothing as this is likely to make her blow her top and could result in mass casualties as a consequence of her powerful telekenetic abilities. This could be just as hazardous in a number or social situations. If she gets sad/angry, things just happen.
Walking on egg shells is an understatement. This is one girlfriend that you would never want to upset.

3. Sil – Species

Sil (played by Natasha Henstridge) is a predatory alien. She has come to earth to don a human (and rather attractive) disguise in order to mate with human men. The plan is to get pregnant and have lots of alien babies which in turn could be a threat to human society – seeing as how much they like to kill us.
If you met her, to begin with you wouldn’t believe your luck. She doesn’t mess around and tells a guy exactly what she wants. And as long as you can deliver, it’s all good (for you, but not the planet).
However, if you have any trouble ‘delivering the goods’, ‘performing in the bedroom’ or ‘sealing the deal’ you’re likely to be killed pretty instantly.
She’s in a rush you see.

The fact that she’s an alien means that she can’t really be reasoned with either, so no amount of roses and chocolates are going to save you. It’s best to stay away from this one.

2. Asami Yamazaki – Audition

Asami is quiet, beautiful, and most importantly (to widowed Shigeharu Aoyama) the winning entrant in a kind of X-Factor for girlfriends. Problem is, this contest is done without the knowledge of the women involved. Another problem is that Asami is as obsessive, ruthless and deadly as she is beautiful. And when she feels that Shigeharu has done her wrong, she doesn’t hesitate to deal with him in a most horrifically torturous way.

So, worth the risk? As long as you kept your nose clean, perhaps you could make a good go of it?
Well, maybe not as Asami has serious issues and has a string of ex’s who all very much regret meeting her. Some are still alive, but are living out their existance in big sacks, with bits of them missing. And without a tongue, how are you going to kiss her anyway?

1. Christine – Christine

Okay, she’s a car. So what? People can love cars can’t they? And there was a documentary on TV once about people that go all the way with them… Seriously.
But in the words of Jonsey The Cat the connection between Arnie Cuningham and his automobile is the ‘epitome of the overbearing relationship’.

Many of us have been there. You and your mate have been friends for a long time. He meets a new girl and, well, he changes. Maybe he doesn’t go out with the boys as much anymore; perhaps he loses his sense of adventure; or as in the case of Arnie, perhaps he just wants to run everyone over all the time.
He does have his reasons. He’s a nerd and he only wants revenge on those who torment him. But, Christine really is a bad influence on him and even takes matters into her own hands if Arnie isn’t around to do murderous deeds himself.
Plus, if you try to get between them, you’re likely to end up dead too. So don’t be the ‘volunteer buddy’ that has a one-to-one talk to Arnie about how much he has changed. You’ll more than likely end up squished.

Christine will not let you go, and even if you did want to leave her, you probably wouldn’t be able to, seeing as how she has a kind of hypnotic control over her lovers/owners.
It’s best to nod politely, say ‘yes dear’ and perhaps hum along to the 50’s rock and roll that she likes to play.

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2 comments

Sorry to differ with your Audition review assumption:

’’It’s made clear that Shigehiko and men in general are responsible for their own chauvinistic actions and any effects that may stem from them. He wanted to take ownership of a new woman, and wanted to scrutinise and select from them as a farmer would with livestock. But as we discover, looking for a partner in such a way can have its consequences.’’

Sure, Shigeharu’s buddy is a chauvinist but not Shigeharu. In the hallucinatory scenes he takes responsability for his ’’crime’’ (sure proof of the guilt he’s feeling for accepting to participate in the fake audition for personal motives) by sitting in the audition chair saying: ’’My son told me I look old. Why don’t
I remarry? That’s why I decided.’’ No, Shigeharu does not want to take ownership of Asami, it’s more like the other way around. ’’I only have you but you have so many others. I don’t want to be one of them. You can’t go anywhere without your feet.’’

How old is Shigehiko? Young enough to forgive his suggestion. To blame Shigeharu and men in general for Asami’s reaction is to be truly chauvinsistic. Yamazaki Asami is a victim before the film starts. Her reaction for being tricked is psychotic. Why else would she have had killed the family’s dog? Duh… Japanese love Fatal Attraction yet Audition is a horror art, which unlike Adrian Lyne’s film is not intended to be moralistic.

Miike, like any true artist, want us to make up our own mind about the significance of what we see. He doesn’t preach to us what his film is about like you do, friend. If you think all Japanese actresses would react like Asami, then you only projected your own chauvinism in your review.

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