The Walking Deceased (2015) Review

imgresOnce again I step into the land of the zombie. I have experienced the good, the bad and the ugly before when reviewing zombie movies (much like most of the dates I’ve been on ). I wonder how The Walking Deceased will fare against other films in the zombie genre? You at the back, be quiet!

As I take the DVD from it’s case I wonder whether I’m about to make the biggest mistake of my life in sitting and watching it. “Just watch the bloody thing!” I hear you scream from in front of your PC screens. “Okay, if I must!” I cry back. Want to know what it’s about then?

gfhhg

The basic synopsis reads as follows: A zombie-generating virus has emerged into the world, due to a sushi chef not washing his hands before preparing a meal for dumpster-diving homeless men? WTF? Are you being serious? I tried to laugh at the reasons behind the zombie virus spreading, but for the life of me I don’t find this explanation amusing in the slightest. Makes me wonder how the rest of the film is going to pan out. Please tell me it gets better. PLEASE TELL ME!!!imgres

Well, Sheriff Lincoln wakes up from a coma in hospital (Do you see what they did there?), encounters Green Bay and Chicago (They did it again!) and then goes off in search of his wife and his son. It appears the Sheriff’s son knocked him out when batting in a baseball game and put Lincoln in a coma. Lincoln finds his son and wife at her workplace, where she works as a pole dancer!!! Having to kill his wife after a zombie infects her, Lincoln and his son with Green Bay an Chicago in two, head off to an abandoned shopping mall (You’re getting the general gist here aren’t you?) where they hook up with other survivors in search of The Farm, a haven free of zombies.

Will they reach The Farm and live happily ever after? Will The Walking Deceased ever become funny? Will this film ever end?

The Walking Deceased movie

It’s not often that I ever say I hate a film, but I have to say I HATE THIS FILM!!!! This has to be the biggest pile of dog pooh since Troll 2 (AKA Goblins) and that’s saying something! The attempts at humour are lame, the acting is lame, the plot is lame and the script is lame! Yes guys, lame x 4! Never before in my life have I had to watch a mind numbingly stupid, boring, non eventful film in my life. Even the attempt at humour when Lincoln kills a daughter and her father, who are quite obviously not zombies, falls flat on it’s hairy face.
There is not one thing I can say positively about this film. Oh wait, I’ve got one! THE ENDING!!!

I would recommend this film to people of very limited intelligence, easily pleased and willing to sit through a film with no laughs in the vain hope that something hilarious is going to take place. If you want to waste 88 minutes of your time, go ahead. You’re welcome to do so if you wish.

The Walking Deceased

I can’t recall seeing any extras available on the DVD and would find it hard to believe they could manage to put an extras section together on the DVD! It must have been hard enough to make a film out of this pile of junk!!!

Movie Rating: ★☆☆☆☆ 

Trailer:

avatar

About Cut and Slash

A lot of horror films involve a lot of cutting and slashing, and so when we revived the curriculum vitae of the man known only as ‘Cut and Slash’ asking if he could write us some reviews, we emailed him back straight away... More

Leave a Reply