Trackman [Putevoy Obkhodchik] (2007) Review

Trackman www.Lovehorror.co.ukTrackman truly is a film of many layers. If we were to cut ourselves a nice fat slice out of this movie we would see myriad tones and textures, each representing a different facet of interestingness.
Yes. For while at first glance this looks to be yet another film where a mad, mysterious murderer tries to pick off a bunch of precocious teenagers one by one, as they scrabble desperately to save themselves and unravel his secret identity, there is in fact much more going on here.
Trackman isn’t just another cracked-up Scooby Doo episode, where Daphne’s a nymphomaniac, Fred’s got a secret past, and the dog isn’t really even a dog after all (he’s actually a huge messianic rat addicted to fast women and loose interpretation, and now he wants revenge).

Trackman www.lovehorror.co.ukAnyway, enough. This isn’t what Trackman’s all about. For starters, the cast are too old. And they aren’t all innocent either – some of them are bank robbers! Boom! And some of them are hostages! Double boom! I know – you instantly don’t know where your loyalties lie, right? Cos they might be bad guys, but does anyone deserve what’s going to happen to them? Do they? Cor blimey that’s deep…
But wait, that’s not all, because no sooner have these silly thieves and their sexy captives (plus man) descended into the sewer post-heist, than they start talking – oh wicked irony! – about some terrible man/mutant/monster who is said to live beneath the ground, taking the eyes, and subsequently the lives, of any who dare intrude unto his world.
They thought they were joking, but alas… And if that’s not hot enough for you, get this – he is supposedly a child of Chernobyl, mutated by the nuclear fallout, and since forced underground to live like an animal. Hold on, it gets better. Because how often do films contain a scene where a bank robbery is explained in blistering simplicity with the aid of chicken nuggets?!
Never! That’s how often.
And that my friends, is a crying shame.

Trackman www.lovehorror.co.ukTrackman Nuggets www.lovehorror.co.uk

Naturally there’s all the usual stuff, you know, chasey chasey, clonk, ow, dropping like flies, sexy hostage, police cop, isn’t it dark, then suddenly Kostya’s got no eyes! How does he smell? Dead. Oops.

trackman movie www.lovehorror.co.uk
And then there’s the twist. Ooh, the twist… Wow.  And don’t worry, the knowledge of the existence of a twist really can’t spoil this film for you. For sadly, despite best efforts, there isn’t a great deal to like about Trackman. Everyone’s tried their best, and it’s by no means dreadful, but personally I think I’d rather stick with taking crack and watching old episodes of Scooby Doo. (No, not really! Geez…)

Movie Rating: ★☆☆☆☆ 

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About MacReady

When you’re stuck outdoors in the frozen Antarctic, for months on end with no food or water, after surviving a horrific life and death encounter with a parasitic extraterrestrial life form that kills and assimilates other organisms (including all your friends) and then imitates them with disturbing and grotesque results, you have a lot of time to think... More

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