Did you ever watch the film Batteries Not Included and think that if only those little robots would get a move on and kick some ass, this film could be half as long and twice as awesome? Well, thankfully someone’s finally done something about it. Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Eyeborgs.
This is a world where, following on from several Gulf Wars, the terrorist threat has grown so great that the American government has created a race of walking spy cameras to keep watch over the nation.
It might sound drastic, but what choice do they have? At least this way, everyone can feel safe. OR. CAN. THEY?? It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that if you entrust the safety of the world to a supercomputer, especially one called Odin, everything is going to go pretty ‘Thor’s Hammer’ sooner or later. (Yep – blammo.) And yet the people voted for it. Did they never watch War Games? Or Terminator? Idiots…
Eyeborgs follows the very emotional journeys of three characters as they slowly begin to understand what is happening to their country and, of course, their freedom.
As the evidence begins to stack up, there can be no doubt that something is definitely going on with the robo-jerks. Fortunately, we the viewer don’t have to wait as long as the characters do to figure all this out – we can witness their lies first hand: BEHOLD the ridiculous beardy guy, think Will Ferrel starring in a freakish remake The Thing, as he is viciously attacked by robots who then destroy footage of the attack replacing it with their own version of events!
Ooh! MARVEL at Danny Trejo, not quite in the role of a lifetime, fighting off tiny drones with just a baseball bat and his hilarious wit – he actually cries ‘take that you binary bastards’! Gah! WATCH the guy from the TV version of Highlander run around and, like, do stuff! Wowzers!
OK, so Eyeborgs isn’t going to set the movie world alight. But it does have something to say about the dangers of a world where too much can be done ‘for safety reasons’, and giving away our freedoms out of fear. And it doesn’t try to just smack you about the head with issues – it’s got plenty of fighting, shooting, robots, and even (for some unknown reason) a saucy car wash. Why? Who knows.
The visual effects aren’t bad either, especially with the smaller robots displaying the kind of creepy-cuteness that worked so well in Puppet Master.
All in all, watching people watch the eyeborgs watch other people who didn’t want to be watched was alright. Not as good as Will Ferrel starring in The Thing would be, but hey, you can’t have everything.